grappling with suburbia

XXXVI

2012-01-03T13:09:00.000-08:00

One day away from your 36th birthday one can't help but be a little sentimental. It has been 20 years since I was sixteen. Wow. Sorry, Mellencamp. I held on to sixteen just as long as possible and somehow I got to be 36. I am actually kind of excited about entering my late 30's, officially. As part of this new sentimentality, I have been finding strange milestones in my life. For example, I have now been Katie McCormick only 4 years less than I was Katie Leach. Bizarre. I have been married for 15 years, only two years less than my parents made it. Weird. In 7 years I will have a child in college. Unthinkable. The thing I glean from all this reflection is that even with all the changes in plans and circumstances throughout my life there is almost nothing I would change. My childhood was about as idyllic as a kid from my generation could’ve had. (Yes, the parents broke up, but sadly, that was part of the normal track for generation X.) I loved my friends, the closest of whom are still my friends today. I had a teenage love affair with the sweetest boy in the world like something straight out of a John Hughes movie complete with dancing to a car radio. by a stream. in the moonlight. And the will-they-or-won’t-they-end-up-together conflict somewhere in the middle. I went off to college and had a helluva good time. I married the aforementioned sweet boy and had a lovely baby girl who is becoming an opinionated, good-hearted young woman whose father I love more than I did when we were dancing by that car.
What would I have changed? I would have been kinder to some. I would have thought more about how the things I said or did affected others. I would have studied more in college. But until Doc Brown actually gets that DeLorean working, I cannot change the past so I have to take comfort in the fact that I did my best. The things I did wrong were never out of malice, just ignorance or youthful oblivion. The future will be what it is gonna be. I always loved what June Carter Cash always said when asked how she was doing. “I’m just trying to matter,” she would say and I find that motivating. So here I sit on the last day of my 35th year and the only thing I know for sure is that I’m lucky and trying to matter. And in this exact moment, happy.

Laziness ensues

2011-02-07T11:39:00.001-08:00

You know how you have the best intentions everytime you start a project? I refuse to let a year go by before my next blog. I will have something interesting to write. At the moment I am too sick to even think, but will come up with something brilliant soon.

Grrrrrr

2010-04-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to have to stop reading the news (I am an internet girl) because it is seriously affecting my stress level. If it isn't Tea Partiers complaining that President Obama still hasn't found a church to attend (as if that is what he should be focusing on) it's people like Torry Hansen. She is the Tennessee woman who adopted a son from Russia and when things went haywire, sent him back. SENT HIM BACK!!!

I understand that it is obvious he had some psychological problems and she was scared. Any parent who sees their child having issues gets scared, but most of us don't put them on a plane to meet a COMPLETE STRANGER IN ANOTHER COUNTRY!! As I read yesterday, this child changed his life, language, country, etc. in a six month time period. How can you expect a normal reaction? Who goes from, "I was screwed over by this Russian orphanage and my son is going to be a much bigger challenge to raise," to "I should email some guy in Russia to pick him up at the airport and drop him off somewhere with a note." SERIOUSLY?!

I have never adopted a child, but I know people who have and they love these children as much (and sometimes maybe more) than if they had come from their own body. My brain cannot compute the "parent" that could so easily cast off a child. Even if she hated this kid- even if she was terrified of him, there are so many other options. Grrrrrrrrrr!

I'm so proud of you!!

2010-03-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

I know the official Hollywood version of high school is that it is a horrible place where the jocks hate the nerds and vice versa. It is humiliating and boring and tantamount to a living hell. That was not my experience. I am one of the big dorks willing to admit I loved high school. I had a ball and made friends I have kept my whole life (so far). I had some amazing teachers who really cared and read all the classics (I started all of them anyway). I do recognize that I did not go to the average school. We were a compilation of hippies and gangsters, and everything in between. It was an odd mixture, but mostly seemed to work. Johnston High (R.I.P.- it is now called the awful “Eastside Memorial High”) was tucked away in a corner of Central East Austin, surrounded by houses in a multitude of conditions- some neat and tidy, others reaching crackhouse status. Because we were sort of secluded there were lots of scary stories passed around other Austin campuses. When I told people I went there, there was usually a grim pursing of the lips and an “Oh.” That was always funny to me because I never felt unsafe there. I think I was lucky to be there when I was, 1990-1994. I met some of the most creative and intelligent people I have ever known. Even as teenagers, they had lots of interesting things to say and really wanted to know things. Working in a high school now has shown me that that is somewhat rare. (I love teenagers, but they have changed a lot.)

Well before facebook popped up, I kept up with people. I am a person who needs people, as Barbra would say. In the 20 years since I first walked the halls at JHS, I have seen many of these people become parents (during and after high school), graduate from prestigious universities, travel and live amazing, quirky lives. They are artists, designers, writers, photographers, musicians, firefighters, teachers, moms, dads and a million other things. Lately, I have found myself feeling an almost parental sense of pride in their achievements. I’m not sure if that is normal or if my maternal instinct is on overload. I love to read their writings, listen to their music and hear about their lives. I have not followed the path I had in mind at 17 years old. I don’t really know anyone that has. It has meandered and changed directions completely along the way. I fell in love early, had too much fun in college and studied too little, married young and had a surprise baby at 24. I am who I am because of all of it so to regret anything would be silly. So I sit here on a Tuesday afternoon in my supremely ordinary job inspired and full of excitement for what my friends and even what I will do next.

(just a very few of the many examples)

www.ilovesweetmeat.com
beautytipsforthebereaved.blogspot.com
www.bentleya.com
www.lucianread.com
just google Farhana Ali- wow!

Really?! with Seth and Katie (well without the Seth)

2010-03-25T11:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, it is bothering me how much this Sandra Bullock thing is bothering me. I don’t know her. It is really none of my business, but I keep finding myself really feeling hurt for her and so sad. What is that about!? Maybe because she is an Austin transplant. Maybe because my family swears she was playing a dark-haired version of me in “The Thing Called Love”. I don’t know. My husband says I get too involved in other people’s problems and, apparently, this now extends to random celebrities I’ve never met (or Ms. Bullock’s case, met only once).

I dabble in the more respectable tabloids, People, etc. for fun and entertainment, but there is nothing fun or entertaining about this. Maybe I should start reading something less depressing, like the Wall Street Journal. First, I sort of felt for Mr. James. Everyone can make a mistake and he seemed truly grief stricken about it. I truly believe that you can be unfaithful for reasons that don’t make you a terrible person. The man broke America’s Sweetheart’s heart- he was going to be in for it no matter what. But now the hoes (how do you pluralize that word) are coming out of the woodwork and the previously settled sexual harassment lawsuits are coming to light and it is just so disheartening. A one-time mistake is a whole other thing from spreading it around town. I refuse to be one of those women that contend that all men are dogs. I just don’t generalize that way, but with the Tiger thing just cooling down and now this dominating the press, and any one of the “he done me wrong” stories you can hear from 1 out of 10 women on the street, it makes one wonder.

I recognize that men are very different than women, especially when it comes to sex, but REALLY?! Is it really so difficult? If a man is so distracted by and interested in and actually getting with so many different women, why not just stay unmarried? Why pull wives and kids and grandparents and family pets into the mix to be hurt? It’s just not logical. Then again, what about love and sex and emotion is logical? I know I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be there. I don’t think anyone does, but what is so sad is that some of these guys must want to be there on some level, but just not enough. So, Sandra I say to you, since of course you are reading my blog, keep your lovely head up. Remember it really isn’t you, it’s him and I hope you handle this in whatever way you see fit. Oh and you were fabulous in Hope Floats- just sayin.

Cancer Scare

2010-03-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

So to clarify the last post, throughout the month of February, I was dealing with tests for cervical cancer and stress over insurance denials and doctor's office billings, but it has all worked out for the most part. Still dealing with the money stuff, but I am cancer free. Yea!! So things are basically back to normal, but I am greatly enjoying the normalcy and will not be complaining again anytime soon.

Note to self

2010-02-09T12:43:00.001-08:00

Never ever post a blog entry talking about how happy, content and boring your life is. It will immediately get frustrating, dramatic and in upheaval. More on this to come. Hint: Insurance companies suck and doctors are thieves in white coats.

Check in blog entry

2010-01-26T07:09:00.000-08:00

I try to only write these blog entries when I really have something to say. Lately my days and thoughts are filled with basketball game/practice schedules and film award show banter. (Ricky Gervais' Mel Gibson joke still makes me smile daily). I have been decidedly uninteresting since I made a point not to plan so far ahead. This is not to say I am bored or unhappy. I am feeling this weird thing- maybe this is what content feels like? Of course there are always a few things that you might want to change, but I am really at a place where I wouldn’t trade lives with anyone. That has to be a good thing, right?

I will have to try and create some drama so I will have something to write about soon. Until then, here are my favorite dresses from the awards shows this month.

DIANE KRUGER=FAVORITE!!!

Mommy belongs on the naughty step

2010-01-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

So I am a terrible mother today. Lily is a pretty responsible kid and I guess I have gotten spoiled. She gets up to her own alarm every morning, dresses and makes her own breakfast. However, there are a few things we have repeatedly asked her to take care of and there is some sort of block there-vitamins and, my biggest pet peeve, to have her shoes on BEFORE it is time to leave.

This morning, I got myself down there in plenty of time, made her lunch and reminded her to put on her shoes. The reminder happened at 7:15 AM. The shoes were not actually on her feet until 7:25. Now, she does know how to tie shoes, etc. but she HATES to wear them. This fact causes many an argument and keeps her waiting til the last possible second to put them on. So after she gets the shoes on, we have to get the coat, the backpack, etc. and get to the car. We pull out of the driveway at 7:30 AM. The tardy bell at her school, 10 minutes away, rings at 7:35AM. So I inform her that we will be late she lets out a small, “well, it wasn’t my fault,” with a slight eye roll. OH NO SHE DI’INT! I officially became the Hulk and proceeded to inform her of all the reasons she was late and how frustrating it is to remind her of things all the time only to be told, ”Don’t remind me!” It continued, albeit more calmly, all the way to school.

So here’s the thing. I know everything I said was true and needed to be said, but maybe not on the way to the first day of the new semester. So I signed in my tardy child and said goodbye as she wiped tears and tried not to look at me. She was pissed and wasn’t going to be fine before I had to leave. I wanted to follow her to the classroom and plead with her to not let it ruin her day. She had an awesome project to turn in today and should have been ecstatic to get there and show it off. Instead, she had to listen to all the things she did wrong on the way to school from her mean mother. So I feel terrible and will probably go eat lunch with her today to make amends. In this time of immediate communication, it is difficult to not be able to send her a text or call to resolve the issue. I guess I will feel crummy all day until I can talk to her. I think I will put myself in timeout.

UPDATE: I went to have lunch with her and she had forgotten about it. Isn't that just the way it goes!

Crybaby

2009-11-30T21:30:00.000-08:00

So tonight I was watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert on HBO. I highly recommend it to any major music fan. I was enjoying CSN, James Taylor, Bonnie Raitt. Smokey Robinson sounded surprisingly good and it was lovely when he and Stevie Wonder sang Tracks of My Tears. Then it cut to Paul Simon singing a song from Graceland, an album I love. I am thinking he is really starting to look old, but he still sounds great. He sang a Beatles song with Crosby and Nash and then, non-chalantly, Art Garfunkel walks onto the stage. "How cool", I think, and keep folding the clothes in front of me. Then Paul starts the beginning strains of The Sound of Silence and I am transfixed. I feel a lump in my throat and I quietly listen to the song and their harmonies and by then end I have tears streaming down my face. I am 4 years old again, standing in front of my parents stereo listening for the umpteenth time to the Simon and Garfunkel 8 track tape with my sister. We are singing The Boxer's "LY LA LY, LY LA LY LY LY LA LY..." at the top of our lungs. The clothes sat unfolded for the entire set as I cried and sang and thanked the Lord when Aretha popped in shortly after and sang "Baby, I Love You." That will pull anyone out of a funk.
Now anyone who knows me at all knows I have a weird emotional relationship with music. By the age of 7, I was obsessively listening to the radio, sometimes all by myself in the front room of our house. My first memories are songs- John Denver, Simon and Garfunkel, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn. Then came The Eurythmics, Lionel Ritchie and Michael Jackson and, yes,even Wham!. The love affair has gone on from there. I also have a history of losing composure at concerts. I heard Bob Dylan playing harmonica in concert- I cried. I was 6 feet away from Emmylou Harris as she sang at the first ACL fest- I cried. And there was absolutely no limit to the emotion and tears that poured out of me as I stood less than 4 feet from Prince, in all his tiny glory, as he sang Purple Rain and played that amazing guitar solo. I was a mess. A glorious mess. I love those moments because I feel like they are some of the most honest of my life. I sometimes think that when I react so strongly to something as simple as a few chords and lyrics, I am letting go of all the emotion I hold back in real life. I was never told not to cry. Never stifled as a kid, but the thing in me that wants everyone to be comfortable won't let me make them uncomfortable with my tears or my anger (which usually comes with tears too). So if they come up at an inconvenient time, I stuff them back down. I make a joke. I say my allergies are acting up. Tonight I was alone in my living room and I let it loose. Then they played "The Boxer" and "Bridge Over Troubled Waters". You can only imagine the crying/singing/caterwauling that was going on down there. But I needed it and I feel so much better for it. I get teased for it sometimes (you know who you are), but I think it is nice to know that I have a soul that can be touched that deeply. Or maybe I am just a big baby. Either way, I feel good.

Love like you've never been hurt

2009-11-20T12:30:00.000-08:00

My new old friend Gina sent this to me on a forward email. They usually suck, but I really love this and wanted to share.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

Yum, I want some more

2009-11-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

Ponder with me, for a moment, the importance of good hummus. Oh let me just break it down- it is like crack, people. Marlon has discovered a new talent in creating homemade hummus. It all started the other day when he was going to the store and I asked him to buy some hummus. It is my favorite snack and even though it probably isn’t, I have convinced myself it is healthier than other alternatives. So he calls me from our beloved HEB from among the “fancy people” food and asks if I can look up a recipe for hummus to check the ingredients. I do and there they are- chickpeas, tahini, garlic, salt, olive oil- not difficult. After seeing the $3.50 price on the tiny package of the store’s version, he decided to make some. The first one was a basic recipe minus the tahini, plus feta cheese (makes it smell terrible while you are blending it, but tastes good) and extra garlic and salt. After chilling it, we started in on it. That large bowl full lasted 2 days, barely. The next one was made with tahini (it makes a big difference), spinach, garlic, etc. This one has been calling me minute by minute. I ate it for lunch today with wheat thins. Just that. That batch is not long for this world either.

I realized, though, that my favorite thing about this new culinary habit of Marlon’s is the way it started. Yes, some people could look at it from the standpoint of, “Well he just didn’t want to spend the money.” I, however, take a different view. My darling, misunderstood husband took a fact- his wife really wanted some hummus- and then made it his mission to get me some in the best possible way- more bang for the buck. (The homemade is also much better than the store bought, just FYI.) It is so small and probably seems stupid, but this is the kind of thing that I really want. I want those little daily reminders that he is listening to me. I think that is all anyone wants- to feel like what they putting out into the world isn’t in vain. Someone is listening and caring about what they say. To paraphrase Manny from “Modern Family”, my hummus is made with the added secret ingredient of caring. Yum- I am ready for some more.

A Letter to Young American Women- from Newsweek

2009-11-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

"Editor's note: Editor's note: Journalist Gail Collins, the first woman to edit The New York Times editorial page, is the author of "When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present." She wrote this piece, a letter to the next generation of women, exclusively for CNN.

(CNN) -- Dear Young American Women,
It's possible that you have been told a time or 10 that you don't appreciate how tough your elders had it. It's true that, if you had been coming of age back in, say, 1960, you would probably be feeling more restricted, if only because you were doomed to spend your days in a skirt, nylon stockings and girdle. (Everybody wore a girdle back then, even Barbie, the individual least in need of a foundation garment in American history.)
Back then, if you wanted a career that involved travel, you'd have to have become a flight attendant. Although good luck with that -- there were 100 applicants for every opening. People paid to go to special schools to learn how to improve their chances of being chosen for that very job that involved appallingly low pay and allowed you to be fired if you gained weight or got married.
Fifty years ago, women couldn't get a credit card or apartment lease unless their father or husband co-signed. And it was perfectly legal for an employer to say that he didn't hire women. (Madeleine Kunin, the future governor of Vermont, applied for an editing job at my own beloved New York Times and was asked if she'd like to consider waitressing in the corporate dining room.)
You may be thinking right now that this actually doesn't sound so bad, that it would be more fun to take to the streets protesting job discrimination than worrying about living in the streets because there aren't any jobs around at all.
Point well taken. You've got your own problems and truly, you are not required to bow down to the generation that gave you equal opportunity to play high school sports. (Now even Sarah Palin loves Title 9. But when it first became law, men were sure it would mean the end of football and everything they held dear. Rep. Pat Schroeder of Colorado was touring a local high school shortly after it passed, and the boys' basketball coach said "Show the congresswoman what you think of Title 9." The team turned around and mooned her.)
There are plenty of challenges that still remain and you know about them better than me. If you're planning on knocking them dead in business or one of the professions, you may discover, to your shock, that there's still discrimination out there. If you're thinking about a military career, there's never been a better time for a woman, but the problem of sexual harassment in the field is disturbingly real.
No matter what you're doing, you're probably going to wind up worrying about how to balance work and family.
Violence against women hasn't gone away; it actually seems to be getting worse. And if you're prepared to worry about things on an international sphere, the oppression of women in other parts of the world is a cancer that has to be cured if the planet is going to evolve in the right direction.
What with all that, it looks like there's plenty on your plate. And if you don't feel like dwelling on the non-problems, if you automatically assume that a woman has as much right to have a terrific career and exciting adventures as any guy, that's great. For the entire history of recorded civilization, people had ideas about women's limitations, and their proper (domestic) place in the world. That all changed in my lifetime -- came crumbling down. The fact that I got to see it, in the tiny sliver of history I inhabit, just knocks me out. You taking it for granted knocks me out.
But if you do want to take a look back now and then, and contemplate how America evolved into a country where women could finally claim their rights, you might enjoy the ride even more. It's a great story, and it was all leading up to you."

We feel you Falcon

2009-10-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

Bill Cosby once joked about people who praise the honesty of children. He said those are people who do not have children. To a degree, I see what he means. I think we all learned a lesson this week about the true honesty of children from Falcon Heene. If you have been on a mountain top somewhere, Falcon is "The Balloon Boy". His parents, though I use that term loosely on these two, told him to hide in the attic while they staged a media event. We were all worried about him, all oddly relieved when he wasn’t in the balloon and once he was found, just thought he was a scared kid who had screwed up and hidden. The cynic in all of use thought something in the milk wasn’t clean, but were ready to go on with things and be happy the kid was alright. Then this happened on national television.

Hey, Dad. You asked. What we saw there was a child who was put on the spot, asked a question and just told the truth. He didn’t know there was anything wrong with that. Later as the parents tried to cover it up on morning show after morning show, Falcon began vomiting, also on national television. It was the physical reaction of a freaked out little kid who was taken advantage of by the people he trusted the most. (I’m with you, Falcon. It makes me want to puke too.)
Honesty is a tricky thing. We teach our kids to always tell the truth, except when we don’t want them to. We tell them one thing, but we expect them to know when to clam up or even lie. I would like to think I would never knowingly involve my child in deceit the way the Heene’s did, but I have said something ugly about someone around Lily and then told her not to tell anyone about it.
Thank you Richard and Mayumi Heene. I think you may have taught us parents a lot by showing us how nasty it looks to encourage dishonesty in our children. Hopefully, we can remember it next time we wish our little angel would know to just say they liked the dinner grandma made instead of answering, "not really".

I couldn't say it any better so read this...

2009-10-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

http://rubypearlslips.blogspot.com/2009/10/im-mad-to-you.html

THANK GOD!

2009-10-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

No more ‘Jon & Kate’ after November

I could have 10 different conversations about aspects of "Jon & Kate plus 8"-a show I have watched maybe 10 times. It only took a few for me to form some major opinions about the whole thing. The husband/wife interactions (yikes) , the child-rearing techniques, the questions about the effect of being watched your whole life would have, and my biggest issue, the wisdom of using such major fertility treatments when you already have 2 beautiful kids. But I digress. I will simply say thank goodness someone turned out the lights on this thing. I hope this family can recover.

Not really mine

2009-10-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday, after the longest of days, I tucked Lily into bed and she looked up at me and said, “Mom, I know it was frustrating and drove you crazy, but I think you did a great job and should do it again.” She was referring to the fall carnival of which I had been the chairperson of the planning committee and one of the main event runners for. (It was one of the things that inspired the blog post before this, to be frank.) It was one of those mom moments you have to take a mental picture of and the next time she screams, “TORTURING MOTHER!” at me, I can take it out and remember how proud she is and that she really does love me.

So my daughter is growing up, daily, before my eyes. She is sharp and sarcastic and opinionated. I am not raising the perfect young lady who acts appropriately at all times, but she knows when to be respectful and when to be funny and already is developing the driest of wits. (Maybe it is all those episodes of the “The Office” and “Seinfeld”.) It kind of blows my mind that she is approaching 10 years old. Double digits! In a lot of ways, a child will always be your baby, but you start finding yourself in the middle of a conversation with them and it hits you, this is an adult conversation. This is a meaningful, important thing we are discussing and it throws you off a little. Maybe they agree with you and maybe they don’t. It is much different than any you had when they still thought you knew everything. Lately, I will laugh at something Lily says or asks and she gets irritated with me because it isn’t “funny”. I explain that I am laughing in amazement at her thought process, how she already seems to be “in on the joke”.

Other times I am reminded how young and naïve she is- like when she realized the death penalty is a real thing and still in practice. She just assumed it was an old fashioned notion that, of course, would have been ended long ago. She said “They still do that!?” her eyes wide in utter disbelief. Discussing segregation, she shakes her head in disgust and says, “soooo stupid,” anytime it comes up. “Why would anyone ever think like that? I just don’t get it!” My personal favorites are her thoughts on misogyny. Watching Sense and Sensibility she was confused as to why the mother and sisters had to move out of their own house so that their half-brother could move in after the father died. I explained, as is it is to a child in the film, that houses went from father to son, not father to daughter. She rolled her eyes.

These were all things she thought of on her own. No prodding or planting of ideas from dear old mom. She is a person with her own opinions and frankly, she could care less what you think about them (which I LOVE!). I guess what I am saying is, I have had a relationship with this girl since she was born (and before, for that matter) and I am still getting to know her. I remember hearing Goldie Hawn once talking about once your child is born, they aren’t really yours anymore. Because they are a separate person now so they belong to themselves. You can guide them and try protect them, but they are their own person. I am beginning to understand what she meant.

Self-inflicted time suckage

2009-10-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

So I had an interesting conversation last night with my husband about how I use my time. I always feel like I have none of it, but don’t we all. He pointed out, and when I really started breaking it down I agreed, that a lot of the running I do is self-inflicted.

I am a mover. I have calendars set up on Microsoft Word from now through January and generally always have plans set weeks in advance. It is a practice I started when I was pregnant and have continued. When I started this, my whole life was planning for that big moment- the day the baby came- so it made sense to know exactly what was coming. Now I wonder if it is really necessary or are these calendars are just enabling me to see too far into the future. So much so that I over-plan mine and my family’s life. This summer I had 6 full weeks off of work and promptly filled every day with something. (I am attempting to not make a calendar for those weeks at all this year. )

How much of my life is spent on unnecessary things? How often do I stay home an entire weekend and just hang out and read with my kid? Read a book alone for that matter? Have a great, un-rushed conversation with my husband? When someone asks me what is going on, it is impossible to make it a short answer so I generally make a joke about how “crazy” everything is. I even have more leeway because I married a neat freak who cleans the house and cooks most nights, yet I often have nearly every weeknight filled and weekends are even worse.

Here’s an example: today I woke up and made a sack lunch for my daughter and went to work. After work today I a) have a meeting to pick up something for the fall carnival at my daughter’s school, b) have to drive my daughter to softball practice, c) will leave her there while I rush to a PTA meeting that I will, in turn, have to leave early in order to d) get back to the softball practice to hand out raffle tickets for her team that are my responsibility as Team Mom. I will get home just in time to get the kiddo to bed. Then I have laundry to do, etc. It sounds like I am complaining, but the simple fact is that no one made me do any of it. The only real requirement tonight is taking Lily to softball. That’s it.

It makes you wonder what would happen if you just removed yourself from the extraneous activities. Would the world fall apart? There is something to be said for those supermoms that do it all. I respect them, but I don’t think I want to be one of them. I think, sometime soon, I need to quit trying to be PTA Mom, Team Mom, Super Mom and just be Lily’s mom.

A reminder to keep everything in persepective

2009-10-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

a forward I actually read-

"Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children together.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better... She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren..

Love,

Your son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you...

Call me when it's safe to come home."

Evidently, I still have a curfew

2009-09-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Just when you feel like a real live grown up, your grandmother sits in her living room waiting for you to get home. You have been out too late. It is 12:45 AM.

I went to Groesbeck, TX this weekend for homecoming and stayed with my grandmother- a long time resident. I lived and went to school as a Groesbeck goat from 3rd-6th grade and still think of it as my hometown, of sorts. If you have not experienced a small town homecoming, you have no idea what a big deal they are. First, of course, there is the football game on Friday night. The entire town is there and it a cacophony of old men yelling at the coaches and/or referees, giggling teenagers and jingling bells from the multitude of gigantic mums. Then, Saturday morning is the homecoming parade in which each class from the high school, yes THE high school, hosts a float as do many area businesses. The whole main strip is shut down for the vintage cars, floats, trailers, horses, etc. Then on to the Groesbeck Exes Association BBQ lunch. That is usually it for me, but this year, I was invited to the Groesbeck Class of 1994 15-year class reunion. I moved away just before 7th grade, but spent four intense years with these guys and through the miracle of Facebook, have become reacquainted. I went to my first official "Pasture Party" (I have the camouflage "Goats '94" koozie to prove it) and had a grand ole time until about 12:02 (2 minutes after I had planned to be home) when I get a text from my sister who is at Nana's house.

"Nana is waiting up on u. I told her u were still there and she said u just had 2 come home because it is so late"

Now, I had a midnight curfew back when I was 17, but that was about, oh, I don't know, sixteen years ago! It's not like I party all night every weekend, but when I do go out, I usually manage to stick it out til about 3 AM or so- especially when I am hanging out with people I haven't seen since I was 12. But how do you explain to the sweetest old lady in the world why anyone would want to stay out past 12 when she is sitting in her recliner, in her rollers and no dentures, stiff with worry because some guy was once killed in a car wreck near the street I was on. So, grumbling, I said my goodbyes and headed to the car to drive the 4 minutes from the party to Nana's house. An old buddy came running to the car to let me know where everyone was heading to for the next "phase" of the evening and to say how glad she was that I came. Talk about adding insult to injury. I didn't want to leave that party, much less miss out on a whole new location!

But maybe it was good. I am always the last to leave a party and take the chance of wearing out my welcome. This time, thanks to Nana, maybe I left them wanting more.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in forever, but I thought this article was worth it. I am struggling with my over-protective ways, but getting more bold by the day. Lily has taken to scootering around the few streets right around us on her own and she loves the independence. Baby steps, right! So anyway, here was my inspiration.

Best and Worst of the Oscars- Ceremony Edition

2009-02-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

There are more best than worst cause I am an optimist and I thought, for the most part, the show was great this year. Here goes:

Best- The Montages – Especially the action and comedy ones- I haven’t seen The Reader either, but putting it in the comedy section was inspired. Now I will probably laugh when I shouldn’t. The action montage just ruled- nuff said.

Worst- Irritating music playing while presenters were talking- While I like the idea of the throwback to a dinner club, etc. The extra music was distracting.

Best- The Stage and Seating design- They made it intimate and the old school club setting worked well.

Worst- Movie Musicals number- Yikes. I love musicals and I hated this. First of all, I’m not sure when the rule started that Beyonce isn’t allowed to wear pants, but it is time to change that. Girlfriend is hot as she can be, but it is getting old. The songs were too random and choppy sequencing just didn’t work. I would have been much happier to see the cast of Mamma Mia, period.

Best- Acting Award Presentations- It actually was an honor to be nominated because each nominee was given more than the obligatory name check.

Worst- Sophia Loren- I am all about the legends and older women owning their sexuality, but there comes a time, okay. The make up was bad, the wig was bad, the dress was reaaaaaaalllllly bad. Her delivery of her section seemed like it was done with eyes half way rolling. Meryl deserves better.

Best- Shirley MacLaine to Anne Hathaway- Even if it was written for her, Shirley made it feel like she was talking off the top of her head and Anne’s reactions were priceless.

Worst- Dark Knight doesn’t win much- I loved Slumdog Millionaire, but The Dark Knight got way snubbed. It was one of the best movies of last year, easily.

Best – Sean Penn’s speech- Mentioning in an honest way, as a friend would do, Mickey was gracious and touching. The opening line was classic and without being overly dark, he said exactly what he meant about prejudice.

Best- Danny Boyle’s smile- Effusive, genuine and contagious

Best- Dustin Lance Black- Whatever your opinion, there is never anything wrong with telling young people that they have value. He used his time up there to do something besides read a list of names. Good on him.

Worst- Cut to Angelina repeatedly during Jen’s stage time- It was in bad taste (but we knew it had to be done). It was like watching your divorced parents at a wedding and wondering how it is going to go. Surprise everybody! They are both grown ups so it was fine and a nice smile was exchanged.

Best- Kate Winslet’s dad- That whistle and her big wave to him was so adorable. It reminded you that she is just somebody’s kid and she wanted to wave to Mum and Dad.

I'm Just Sayin'

2009-01-07T12:32:00.000-08:00

This is supposed to be a "warts and all" picture of Brad Pitt in W magazine. He isn't that boy from "Thelma and Louise" anymore, but there ain't nothing wrong with that.

The Cool Mom

2008-11-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

I have started re-watching “The Cosby Show” – introducing my daughter to the classics- and I am realizing how different it is to watch this show, that I loved so much as a kid, now as an adult. I felt the same way watching “thirtysomething” after I got married and became a thirtysomething. When I watched them before, they were enjoyable, but all the relationships were sort of theory. I didn’t really have anything to compare them to. Now I am seeing where I got some of my habits, my sayings and some of my values. My daughter laughed out loud when Claire Huxtable was sternly warning Vanessa about something or other. She said, “Mom that is soooo you.” I took that as a compliment since I think she was the most realistic mom on TV, in the way that she dealt with her children. She lost her temper sometimes and grumbled under her breath about them, but she also managed to be there for them in gentle ways too. She was not their best friend; she was their mother.
It is hard because sometimes I want to be the “cool mom”, but I always remember that my mom was never afraid to be the bad guy and I loved her for it later. Sometimes it even worked to my advantage. I was what some would call a bit of a goody-two-shoes in high school. I had fun, but never did the hard partying or anything. I was invited to a few parties that I knew would be a little wilder than I was comfortable with but didn’t want to look like the stick in the mud. She would always tell me to, “Blame me. Just say I wouldn’t let you go.” So I did. She didn’t care if she was the “Cool Mom” to my friends or not- and that is what made her cool in the long run. True rebels define themselves.

Memories- mmmm mmmm good

2008-11-10T10:55:00.000-08:00

The former glory of what is now known as "The Warehouse District" - first scene at 4th and Colorado, 24th street by campus as showcased in "Slacker". Austin still has some weird, but this was definitely the end of an era. Go rent the whole thing!

11/5/08

2008-11-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and had to remind myself it was real. And when Lily woke up this morning, her first words were, “Did he win?” It meant so much to hear her say that, not because she likes Barack Obama, because she is just following her parents on that, but that she is interested. She was fascinated with all the results flashing across the screen last night and was full of questions.

I don’t really know how to describe my feelings today. I have already held back tears more times than I will admit. I would have been happy to have this man elected if his skin was any color of the rainbow cause I think he is the best man for the job at hand. We have to admit, though, that it is especially significant that he is a man who, just about 150 years ago, could have been considered property by some people. Last night, seeing Jesse Jackson, a man who was with Martin Luther King, Jr. the day he died, nearly breaking down watching Obama’s victory speech (I am sure with a mixture of pride and some sadness too that he was born just a little too soon) was more than I could handle. This morning watching an impromptu recitation of “I Rise” by a burstingly proud Maya Angelou was something I will always remember, and finally, seeing Donna Brazile note that President-elect Obama will take the Oath of Office on steps that were built by slaves who could have never imagined this event - all of these things reminded me that we are now a part of history- for real.

Now comes the hard part, but we can do it. (Come on, you know the rest.)

To quote Ice Cube

2008-11-04T21:50:00.001-08:00

Today was a good day.

Cameron Road Youth Group Reunion

2008-08-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to have a space we could comment to each other. It has been too long! Let the memory wash over you...

Growing Up- at 32 years old

2008-08-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

So it has been awhile since I actually wrote anything. That will tell you what a whirlwind I have been in. It is a good whirlwind, though. Some major things have changed with my job and commute situation, but that is not all. I have had some things pop up and kick me in the pants as far as some other things in my life are concerned and it got me thinking, how comfortable is too comfortable?

I think I was in a place where I had gotten a bit cocky about how my life was going. (And thinking it was all because of me.) Well, I got a wake up call and I am so glad cause it refocused me to look forward and remember the need to improve on everything, everyday. It isn't discontentment, but a desire to use this life to do something more than make yourself comfortable and happy. I feel like I'm really an adult all of a sudden. I was fighting it all the way. But now all my immature notions are falling down quickly and that is the best thing that could happen. I will avoid saying, "I am woman, hear me roar," but that is kind of how I feel. I guess going back to high school and seeing all these teenagers has reminded me I'm not them anymore. I'm something a lot different, but better.

Preachy sounding, maybe, but it is what has been on my mind- and isn't that what this blogging thing is all about?

Well, otherwise, I have been writing more, creative-wise, and remembering how much I used to like that. I have to say, I could whip up a quick A+ poem 10 minutes before English class in high school, cause I usually forgot to do it as homework the night before. It does use a different part of your brain that sometimes gets left behind when you "grow up". You have to drop that self-editing part of your adult brain and allow yourself to say something that may be a little pretentious or silly, or something someone else may not like, but is almost always honest. And honesty is the whole point.

Wish I could say things as well as this guy (heaven):

A little slice of happy

2008-07-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

Stealing from Bianca, my hero

2008-07-21T07:11:00.001-07:00

I am stealing this from the email that Bianca sent me. I couldn't say any of it better and it really speaks to me, especially right now. My favorite is that if you don't compare, things just are. Enjoy!

Subject: 7 Attributes of a Successful, Confident Woman!

1) A Confident and Successful woman KNOWS she is Loved.
There will always be people who are not satisfied with what you give. You can't please everyone, that's just reality! there are so many people around you who love you for who you are... Quirks and all!! In the word's of Dr Seuss... Say what you want and do what you say. Because people who mind don't matter and people who matter won't mind! A confidant woman believes in what she does and says and doesn't live doubting herself or her actions.

2) A Confident and Successful woman does NOT live in Fear!
Fear is not real... So many women are afraid of failing and make decisions based on their fears. Therefore, they have already set themselves up for failure. As women, we must overcome whatever fears we have and learn to set them apart from reality! Our fears distort reality and prohibit us from seeing things as they truly are. Women who overcome their fear put their all into what they do because they are not afraid to act upon their emotions and instincts.

3) A Confident and Successful woman is ALWAYS Positive!
Everyone's reality is based off their own perception. Try to immerse yourself in positivity. Don't ask why when something negative happens, think of it as why not me? Mistakes are life lessons and stepping stones to make a better decision next time. When you look at things in a negative fashion you fail to see the bigger picture and often second guess yourself. Believe that everything you do is part of a larger plan. There are always different paths to get somewhere and not everyone takes the same sized steps. Get rid of that negativity! Negativity is viral. It spreads like a virus! If you constantly are surrounded by negative people, you're thinking will be negative too. Surround yourself with positive people.. People who talk positive and act positively can help you be confident about yourself. Your thoughts will become positive. You deserve to have good things happen to you.. WHY you? Why NOT you?

4) A Confident and Secure woman is one that recovers from setbacks.
They key to recovering from setbacks is to see them as normal, part of everyone's journey, and not a failure. Take a "positive spin" on everything. What did you learn about yourself and others from the setback? What do I do to stop it from happening again? Treat yourself with love and respect. It's simply the universe's way of telling you you still need to grow a little... Don't allow your setbacks to stop you from getting to your goal. Once again.. use them as stepping stones....

5) A Confident and Secure woman avoids comparisons!
Avoid comparisons like a plague! Nothing is bigger,smaller or better unless you compare it to something else. Otherwise it just is. For example.. draw three different sized circles on a piece of paper Look at each individually.. would you have know the one was bigger than another by just looking at the one circle? NO...It is JUST a circle. It's not until you look at the other circles that you realize one is bigger or smaller than the other. Same goes for YOU. You are uniquely different in your own way! Why would you WANT to be like someone else? Embrace who you are.

6) A Confident and Successful woman takes action!
The key to getting what you want is taking the idea and attaching an emotion to it and acting upon it! The first question people ask themselves is "how?". Don't focus on the how and just go take action! Take the opportunities as them present themselves. Decide to take action. Use these 3 questions of every opportunity to base your action.:
a) Is it something that I want to be, do, or have?
b) Will it take me closer to my goal?
c) Will it harm someone?
Answer these questions and let them guide you in everything you act upon. Opportunities sometimes require you to step up and go beyond your comfort zone. Everyone's comfort zone is different. This is usually where women stop themselves. They get uncomfortable and they stop acting.... Get out of that zone and work with what you can. Even the smallest step puts you closer to where you want to go. There is no wrong choice. It's simply what you do with your choices that matters.

7) A Confident and Successful woman does not live in the "what ifs" and "If only".
Somewhere out there, there is a woman saying to herself.... If I only had more time, If only I had more help.... etc... Take what you have and use it to get what you want! It all starts with making a decision. Create the life you want! What exists persists. Make the decisions and the universe Will bring the means to you. Use the time you have and do what you can.

These are the secrets I want to always live by. Start living your fantasies and stop dreaming! YOU DESERVE IT!

Things that make my life better part 2

2008-07-17T06:31:00.001-07:00

I haven't had the greatest couple of days, but this helps...a lot.

The happiest place on earth

2008-07-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

We just got back from 5 days at Disneyworld. So much fun. I am missing the family a lot today since I have been with them 24/7 for a week. My kiddo is officially 8 years old and I am officially the mom of a tween. She totally regressed, in a good way, when she saw Snow White, Belle, etc. and took a picture with them. Anyway, so it is back to work for 2 more weeks and then I start my new trabajo. It will be the first time I have worked somewhere out of downtown Austin since I was 21 years old. Yikes, that is a long time. I will miss the crazy homeless guys talking to themselves, the smell of exhaust, and the fact that you can play live action frogger in the street anytime you want. No, really, I like that stuff. It will be great to get 2 plus hours of my life back since I won’t have any commute. Ahhhhhhh. Just the thought calms me. Well, I will try to update more often in the days to come. For now, just enjoy this.

The Promotion

2008-06-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am doing my part to promote a new film called ”The Promotion.” I had barely heard of it and Marlon asked if I wanted to go see it. It was really fun, had a great cast, and by the end a really good message. It stars John C. Reilly and Seann William Scott (Stifler for all you guys- although he is like the anti-Stifler in this). Besides them, there are a lot of those people that are just good in everything so it makes for a really well done, small movie. You may choose to wait and rent it, but it is much better than a lot of what is out there now and is a good time. Let me know what you think if you see it.

OH AND GO SEE THE FOOT FIST WAY- It is just silly, but the main dude, Danny McBride is hysterical.

The Women

2008-06-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

So they are remaking “The Women” with Meg Ryan and Eva Mendes. My nightmare is complete. “The Women” is a brilliant film made in 1939 consisting of an all female cast (including all female animal actors as well) about Mary Haines, a well-to-do wife of Stephen Haines, who is having an affair with Crystal Allen (a to die for Joan Crawford). What makes it so delicious is the fashion, the cattiness, but mostly the dialogue. It is like the best of the films from the 1930’s with rapid fire dialogue and fantastic acting- mostly overdramatic in the best possible way. Rosalind Russell is hilarious and watching her wrap her mouth around the the words like tongue twisters is just plain fun.It's probably a bit sexist as well, but who cares. It's divine. Well, I have now seen the preview for the new one. It sticks to the story for the most part, which was always the weakest part of the original, but the quick wit and melodrama is gone. We have traded it for a standard “he cheated on you” picture. Candace Bergen does look interesting as Mary’s mother and Eva looks smoking as Crystal (but when you are re-doing Joan, you have some BIG shoes to fill), but I am planning to be severely disappointed. Oh well. Compare for yourselves, but I recommend checking out the original today. You will have to pay attention though. When I say RAPID fire dialogue, I mean it.

I got the job! And it's gonna be AWESOME!

2008-06-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

So much happening

2008-05-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

So there is a lot going on with me right now. Most likely, I will be starting a job at Lehman High School, just down the street from my house, in July. I still have to iron out the details, but the job is mine if I want it. I have watched and prayed for so long to have an opportunity to work closer to home and this is closer than I ever could have guessed- walking distance, even. It would really improve so many things just because I would have so much more time. No commute, part of the summer off, etc. I am cautiously optimistic that it will all work out. I feel like maybe all that anticipation and keeping my ears open finally paid off.

My mom says I just want to go to high school every day. Ha (she's probably a little bit right.)

Only if I get to chaperone this dance.

Riggins

2008-05-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Tim Riggins. Let me say that again- Tim Riggins. Not since Jordan Catalano has a boy taken over school-girl fantasies as well as their mothers’. I’ve been missing my Friday Night Lights lately and made me remember the ultimate bad boy with the heart of gold. He is definitely smarter than Jordan ever was and that makes him even more appealing. Not much else to say except yum. Enjoy the double feature.

Riggins

Jordan (LOVE this song)

Love it or Hate it?

2008-05-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

She's a little nuts, but I kinda love it!

I promise actual blogging soon.

Hotness

2008-05-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

Little Edie

2008-05-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

I am currently obsessed with “Little Edie” Beale. She is the younger of the two Edies in “Grey Gardens” the 1976 documentary and the cousin of Jackie Kennedy Onassis. She is a little nutty and naïve, but so interesting. She talks at one point about never knowing what time it is- because she doesn’t own a clock. She and her mother really live in a world all their own. I think for the “Big Edie” the arrangement is great. She knows she won’t ever be lonely and her favorite person in the world is there with her every day. Little Edie had once been the it girl of society and had multiple marriage proposals, but turned them all down because “Mother didn’t approve” of the suitors (which included Joe Kennedy, Jr, and J. Paul Getty). It seems like Little Edie missed out on a lot and she knows this and stays anyway. She is sort of stuck in adolescence even though she was in her mid-fifties when it was shot. While some people seem to think her relationship with her mother is so cool and “what an amazing bond” they have as they can’t seem to be without each other. I have to admit, as a mother of a daughter, it scares me a little.
My daughter and I are very close, but I am very conscious of making sure she gets out into the world on her own sometimes as scary as that can be for her or me. Marlon and I try to really let her have her own experiences without us always in them. She went to camp last year and it was scary and nerve-wracking, but she came back so independent and proud of having gone into a situation where she knew no one and made friends and had experiences all her own. I have times when I feel a little callous because I want her to be independent and hope I am not pushing her too much. I want her to be able fight her own battles, like one she is dealing with right now.
She is having the beginning of “girl drama”. We all remember that, don’t we? Between the ages of about 7 and 17, one day you are best friends with someone and the next, they are ignoring you and hanging out with someone else. Mama Bear mode kicks in- I want to call the parent and let them know- I want to talk to the kid and scold her- I want to do anything that will make my baby stop hurting over this. My girl is very resilient and she will deal with this. As much as I want to step in, I am trying not to. If she can’t learn to handle conflict now, what will she do as she gets older and the conflicts get bigger? I’m trying to counsel her to talk to her friend and to tell her it when she feels like she is being slighted, or just play with other kids and let her come to her - play hard to get, if you will. I hope I’m doing the right thing. As interesting as I find Little Edie, I don’t want to have one of my own in 50 years.
That being said, here is a video of her and her unique style (some of it is pretty fantastic and avant garde).

I knew it was coming...

2008-05-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened. I have been growing in size slowly over the years and just sort of going with the flow. I would love to be 125 lbs again, but it just ain’t gonna happen. I’ve had a problem with motivation to get in shape. See, I have a husband who is still into me, big or small, a daughter who tells me how pretty I am and a family that has always seen the best in me. I’m very lucky. But you want to know a quick way to get motivated to start your exercise regime again? Have a perfectly lovely, well-meaning lady at church come and ask, “So is it a boy or a girl, or do you know yet?” Yup, that’ll do it! I was wearing one of those oh-so-trendy flowy tops with jeans, but just the day before someone had asked if I was losing weight so I was all full of myself. So, today it was low-fat oatmeal for breakfast and a small lunch. I actually do feel much better when I am exercising and eating better, drinking water, but I do love me some good food. So the journey begins, we’ll see how this goes. I think I need some Mika.

Yes We Can Can

2008-05-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Whether we agree on the candidate, I think we all want to make this country better than it is today. The song is all about that- now I think Obama is the man to help get us there, so I am outing myself as an Obama girl. (Let's face it, if you know me at all, you probably figured that out already.)This is a cool video all the same.

This makes my world a happier place

2008-04-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

I may have already sent this to some of you, but it is just too awesome. I needed
share again.

"Arty"

2008-04-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

So, apparently, it is Miley Cyrus day as that is all over the news. As Johnny Galecki said on The View this morning when asked about the pictures, “ Is the war over or something? Distraction, hello!” Anyway, being that I have a Miley fan living in my house, I just have to say that, to me the picture itself is not terrible, but not a good idea either. It made me think of the time in 8th grade when me and the other Dobie Middle School cheerleaders thought it would be so funny to flash a camera with just our undies on underneath our cheerleader skirts. When I randomly mentioned it to my mother, she froze and began asking who took it, where was the picture now, etc. I was oblivious to why she would be so upset- “Nobody saw it, Mom! It was just us girls in there! You are so overreacting!” Now, I get it. To us it was innocent sillyness, but to the wrong perv that could get his hands on it, it was something much different. That naïveté kept us from seeing that a group of 12 and 13 year-old cheerleaders flashing their butts to the camera was waaaaay inappropriate. What I mean to say is that everyone involved in the shoot may have just meant them as “arty” or as a classic portrait (although I have my doubts that they didn’t want a bit of controversy), which in many ways it is. What it is to the wrong people is something sexual- to my 7 year-old, an excuse that immodesty is no big deal. You can’t just look at something from your perspective. Unfortunately, as a “role model” to some very young children, she and her family really needed to look at it from all angles. There’s my 2 cents. Now back to that whole Iraq thing…

Puzzled

2008-04-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

Just reading about the Hamas proposal to Israel. It doesn’t seem to be anything really new. The whole conflict there has always puzzled me a bit. I know now there is a lot of who did what to whom and feelings of wanting revenge from both sides. Did it really start over some land- really? It seems so juvenile- no different than a couple of toddlers fighting over a toy. I realize there is much more to it, so I continue to research, but will probably never be able to really understand it.
I have always been Jimmy Carter fan. He seems like the one guy in the country who actually cares. Maybe it is because he doesn’t have to get elected to anything anymore. He can actually get things done. You notice that Al Gore actually got busy (and more popular) once he took himself out of election situations. Anyway, Jimmy is catching so much slack for talking with Hamas, but it seems that if everyone refuses to talk to each other things won’t ever change. Maybe that is what some want.
Just a thought. I have no insights or solutions. I was just thinking about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT3tgx_qJi0

My Name is Katie

2008-04-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Weezer is coming out with a new album. I can’t express how excited I am. I also can’t really explain why it makes me so happy. Maybe it is a validation of the music of my adolescence that the bands we loved then are still making new and interesting music. Whatever- not getting that deep today.
Except for seeing Prince last year(come on, it’s Prince), the best concert I ever saw was Weezer in 1995 at Liberty Lunch in Austin. It was the whole scene- relatively small club, the mosh pit, the close proximity to the stage, general admission only (God bless general admission- the concert equivalent of survival of the fittest- if you can’t take the heat get out of the pit). It was just one of those nights.
Weezer’s music is such a great combination of things- earnest lyrics, but with a sense of humor- “alternative rock” (whatever that means), but you can tell they listened to cheesy hair bands too- and to me, the sonic quality is so classic. If you were to play a Weezer song with just an acoustic guitar, it would be so lovely and melodic, with all the electric guitar and drums it still is, but it has that booming edge that makes it more intense. Marlon says you cannot listen to Weezer at a normal volume. You have to crank it up to get the full experience. (See why I married him!) Okay so my love poem to a band of over 30 rockers is done. Long live Rivers and company.

Urge for Going

2008-04-17T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am having a garage sale on Saturday. I always love having a garage sale- not sure why. I guess it sort of feels like getting something for nothing- just things that were hanging around your house. I always feel lighter after I clear stuff out too. Of course I just get new stuff that I will sell in a few years or so, but it is fluid. I moved around a lot as a kid. Pretty much every 2 or 3 years and maybe that’s where my need for change comes from. I have been working at my current job for 3 years now and I am starting to feel that “urge for going” as Joni would say. I am perfectly happy with everything, but it just feels like time to move on. I think that is the old hippie spirit in me. I’m not sure where it came from, but I have always felt I could have made a very good flower child, Deadhead, etc. I like the idea of change and rolling with the flow and the adventure that could come with something new. I have said before that with a different upbringing, I could have been a real wild one. I guess God knew I needed the parents I got.